Review: Albanese Gummy Worms (5 lbs)

Preface:

Being the disgusting broke college student  I am, I decided to indulge myself by purchasing food from Amazon, the true retailer for college kids. However, this was finals week, and there was no time or effort that can be wasted. Naturally, I needed something sugary as well as relatively cheap to keep me going through all the papers and textbooks that waded up to my neck. After a good ten minutes of procrastinating and not doing school things, I landed upon these. $12 for gummy worms (in assorted colors!) in a form of measurement that can be described as unnecessary seemed like a perfect run for my money. In a swift and sad act of desperation, I ordered these little wiggling buddies to my college to munch on. To evaluate the true worth of these gummy worms to me personally, I put this gargantuan fruity product through several tests.

The Packaging Test:

After waiting about 3 days, I got an email from my college’s post office saying that my sweet little wormlets were currently sitting in the storage, ready to be picked up. I waddled over to the post office and picked the package up with haste and quickly head back to my room to gaze upon this sugary mass. The outer layer of plastic separating my tangible joy was sturdy and could surely take a beating, judging from the 2 foot fall it took after I let it go above my desk. Taking note of its massive size, the packaging of the worms is exactly how Amazon pictured it. (Picture from Amazon.com)81g9fnO0GWL._SX522_

Yeah, that’s it. No fancy logo. No fancy branding. No other colors besides the worms. They cut all the fat out of packaging. (AHAHAHAHAHAHA GET IT CAUSE THE WORMS ARE FAT-FREE???)  They know what you want. They know that you don’t care about packaging. You just want what’s inside, and they’re damn right. Immediately, without even looking at the plastic shield protecting me from my prey, I grabbed the nearest pair of scissors and ripped it open.

All the worms were nicely compact and yet still in prime condition, beating all odds against the hot summer weather. These worms were soldiers, and they weren’t going down easy. There was no conglomerate of gummies and each wormo was still perfectly malleable and ready for consumption. Overall, packaging is A-OK.

Rate: 7/10

Taste Test:

As stated before, the gummies came in top condition, but to make sure they were prepared for only the finest paper plates, I placed the entire package in my refrigerator for an hour. One seemingly immeasurable eternity later, I pulled this behemoth of a bag out of my mini-fridge and placed a single specimen on my fine paperware, a red-green sacrifice. It was soft to the touch. It was cold, hard, yet gently. It was almost alive. The suffocating heat of my room prepared me for this moment as I placed the gummy worm in my mouth. Accents of cherries and lime-esque sugar perused my mouth to form the perfect feeling that would make someone on a diet go, “Oooh, I’m so bad.” This delectable treat can only be taken in moderation though, because once you go past that breaking point, the only thought in your head is, “Oh god I’m a terrible human being why do I do this to myself,” leading to internal crying, or constipation, one or the other. However, you’ll forget all about it the next day when you’re craving gummy worms once again. There’s plenty of different flavors ranging from strawberry to blue flavor present for all of the people who will see the bag and try to mooch off of you.

Honestly, for a snack? Not bad.

Rate: 8/10

Annoyance Test:

I tossed it at my roommate. He was annoyed. Then he ate it.

Rate: 10/10

Conclusion:

For an abundant amount of gummy worms on a relatively tiny budget, this product gives a pretty good sense of worth to it. The worms taste decent, mediocre enough to make you sick of them, but good enough to come back to. It’s evident this is packaged for wholesale and for an entire party, but you know you can eat all of them. I highly recommend refrigerating them for an even heightened experience.
Plus, these would make awesome gifts.

Overall Rate: 7/10

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2 thoughts on “Review: Albanese Gummy Worms (5 lbs)

  1. I came here from reddit because I wanted to see if someone could actually make gummi bears humorous…I was pleasantly surprised! I love that you turned something as simple as a snack into a blog post that made me laugh out loud. Keep on writing!

    Like

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